new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize