I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
