Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
