I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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