Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
