do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
COCAINE IS GR8
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
