when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
