TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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