hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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