They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
