i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
