I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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