did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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