hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
