her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize