You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
