She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize