We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
