The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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