Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize