I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
