4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm too high and old for this...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
