I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He keeps bees of course he's weird
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
