I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
