I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
