you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
