I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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