accomplished twins. life is a go
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
