Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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