be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
