i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize