mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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