Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
