I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
only you would photoshop your dick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
