My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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