My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
