Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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