So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
