No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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