Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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