that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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