If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
