you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
