This is not my ceiling
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In America we eat man semen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
