Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
