i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
