you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
