I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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