Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
