Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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