New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
