why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
