you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
