So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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