Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
