I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
