respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
