Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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