So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
