I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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