Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
do nipples grow back?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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