I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
