Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
