You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As shirtless as possible
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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