"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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