The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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