she woke up with a sticky ear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize