Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
